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Who Are Secondary Survivors?

Secondary survivors are individuals who are affected by the trauma experienced by someone they care about. 

These can include:

  • Family members: parents, siblings, children, and extended family members.
  • Friends: Close friends who may have witnessed the abuse or learned about it after the fact.
  • Partners: Spouses or intimate partners who are affected by the trauma, either due to direct exposure or the strain on the relationship.
  • Community members: Colleagues, neighbors, or others who are part of the survivor’s social network.

Secondary survivors often find themselves dealing with emotional and psychological responses to the trauma their loved ones have endured, and they may also experience challenges in offering support without overwhelming themselves.

This webinar recording presented by Sexual Assault Response Team Coordinator Melissa Alemar discusses how secondary survivors can support victims and support themselves to address their secondary trauma. 

How Secondary Survivors Can Take Care of Themselves

Supporting someone who has been through trauma can be draining and emotionally taxing. As a secondary survivor, it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being while offering support. Here are some strategies for self-care:

It’s vital to talk to someone who can provide emotional support, whether it’s a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Processing your own feelings and experiences with a professional can help you manage any overwhelming emotions. Therapy or support groups designed for secondary survivors can be particularly helpful.

Supporting someone through trauma can be intense. It’s important to set emotional and physical boundaries to protect yourself from burnout. Learn how to say no when you need to rest and allow yourself space to recharge.

Find activities that bring you peace and joy—whether it’s reading, walking, crafting, or spending time with friends. Engaging in hobbies and self-care practices is essential to maintaining your emotional health.

Understanding the effects of trauma on the survivor and on yourself as a secondary survivor can help you respond with more compassion and awareness. Learn about trauma responses and ways to help both yourself and your loved one heal.

t’s normal to feel guilt or responsibility for your loved one’s trauma, but it’s important to remember that you are not to blame. No one can control or prevent another person’s abusive behavior. Focus on offering love and support rather than self-blame.

Sometimes, secondary survivors may experience trauma reactions that are best addressed with professional help. Speaking with a therapist, counselor, or support group can help you process your emotions, deal with guilt, and learn how to manage your role in the survivor’s healing process.

My loved one has experienced sexual assault or domestic violence. What should I do?

What can I do to help?

  • Create a safe, judgment-free space for your loved one. Offer to help with safety planning or holding important items for them like money and important documents.
  • Keep communication open so the victim is not isolated.
  • Trust what they say and take their concerns seriously. Victims are often not believed, show your support by trusting what they tell you. 
  • Give them time to open up
  • Don't tell them to leave. Leaving takes time and there are many barriers your loved one will face when leaving. Show your support by being a trusted person that they can rely on. 
  • Learn about the different types of abuse and their warning signs.

Understand why they might stay.

  • They may fear for their safety and their children's safety if they leave
  • They may feel like the abuse is their fault. Many abusers manipulate their victims to believe they caused the abuse.
  • They may be financially dependent on the abuser. Financial abuse is a tactic that abusers use to control their victims and keep them from leaving. 
  • They may have hope that the abuser will change or the abuse will stop.
  • They feel as though they do not have enough support to leave.
  • They may feel pressure from their religion or community to stay and not "break up" their family. the different types of abuse and their warning signs.
  • Societal gender roles can affect the victims view of the abuse. A woman might normalize abusive behavior from a man, because she believes "that's how men are" -- a man might normalize abuse from a woman because they feel like men should be ashamed of being abused by a woman. 
  • The victim may still feel love for the abuser.

How EPEC Can Help

The Eastern Panhandle Empowerment Center aims to support everyone affected by interpersonal violence, including secondary survivors. If you are a secondary survivor, our advocates are here to help.

EPEC advocates can support secondary survivors with:

• Specialized support

• Safety planning

• Legal advocacy

Contact an advocate today.

(304) 263-8292
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Our Mission: To Eliminate Violence Against all People.