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The Warning Signs of Grooming

Recognizing the signs early can protect children from harm.

Some common red flags include:

  • A child becomes secretive about online activities or new relationships
  • Unexplained gifts, money, or items
  • Excessive communication from one adult (in person or online)
  • Sudden changes in behavior or mood
  • Isolation from friends and family
  • An adult showing special interest in a particular child, especially if it seems excessive

This S.A.F.E. Talk by Melissa Alemar, Sexual Assault Response Team Coordinator, explains grooming, the tactics abusers use to groom children, and how parents can spot and prevent their children from being groomed. 

Grooming is a manipulative process that abusers use to gain access to a child, build trust, and break down boundaries to prepare them for abuse.

It can happen in person or online, and often occurs gradually, making it difficult to recognize until harm has occurred. Education is one of the most powerful tools we have to prevent it. Grooming is when someone builds a relationship with a child or young person to gain their trust for the purpose of sexual abuse, exploitation, or trafficking. It often involves emotional manipulation, secrecy, and sometimes gift-giving or special attention to make the child feel important or dependent on the groomer.

The Grooming Process

The abuser identifies a vulnerable child, often one who is isolated, seeking attention, or lacking strong support systems.

They build a relationship by being friendly, helpful, or acting as a mentor or protector.

The groomer gives gifts, attention, or affection to create a sense of obligation and dependency.

They work to distance the child from trusted adults by encouraging secrecy or creating conflict.

Through gradual boundary-pushing (inappropriate jokes, accidental touching), they normalize abusive behavior.

Once trust is established and boundaries are broken, abuse begins, often accompanied by threats, guilt, or further manipulation to keep the child silent.

Behaviors of Groomers

Groomers may seem charming, helpful, or overly generous—but behind that persona is manipulation. Watch for adults who:

  • Insist on alone time with a specific child
  • Push boundaries around touch or conversations
  • Frequently communicate with children online or through messaging apps
  • Give gifts or money for no clear reason
  • Try to create secrecy between them and the child ("this is our little secret")

Safe vs Unsafe Adults

Safe Adults

  • Respect boundaries

  • Don’t ask for secrecy

  • Encourage kids to talk to other trusted adults

  • Make the child feel empowered and safe

Unsafe Adults

  • Pressure kids to keep secrets

  • Push physical or emotional boundaries

  • Try to isolate kids from others

  • Make kids feel confused, uncomfortable, or scared

How Parents Can Talk to Their Kids About Grooming

Talking openly and age-appropriately with your child can empower them to recognize and report unsafe behavior.

  • Use simple language: Explain that some people try to trick kids by pretending to be nice.

  • Talk about body safety: Teach them that their body belongs to them, and it’s okay to say no—even to adults.

  • Practice scenarios: Role-play situations where they might need to say no, walk away, or talk to a trusted adult.

  • Encourage open communication: Make sure your child knows they can talk to you about anything, and they won’t get in trouble.

  • Revisit often: These conversations aren’t one-and-done—keep them ongoing as your child grows.

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Our Mission: To Eliminate Violence Against all People.